Stuck Together

I decided to share a few excerpts from a book I am working on.  This is what I call a 'bathroom humor' book.  You know, the kind that has little short stories you can read while you are in the bathroom.  Put on the back of the stool and read another story or two next time you are in there.  I won't reveal the name of the book but will share a couple of my stories just for your enjoyment.

It's summertime and that means that if you are a woman you like to have your toenails painted.  Well, here's a little story related to that:  Wanted to get my toenails ready for summer and sandals. What better way to have my feet looking their best than to put fake toenails on.  They would look really good and what a pick-me-up.  I got everything out I would need; the fake nail kit (which included toenails in 20 assorted sizes), polish remover (to take off the old polish from when my granddaughter painted my toenails) and my Ped Egg (to smooth all the rough spots off my feet).  All set up in the living room and ready for a pedicure.  I ran the Ped Egg over both my feet trying to smooth them out.  I then removed the old polish (or at least most of it).  Then the task of picking out which nails would best fit my toes (which are rather short and stubby).  Nails all picked out ready to proceed.  Now to put nails on your toes you need nail glue – this is where it gets tricky.  You have to put the glue on your toenail then put the fake nail on your toe.  Sounds simple – key word is “sounds”.  I put the glue on the first toenail – starting with the biggest toe.  Got the fake nail that was to go on there and that was when the trouble started.  I didn’t want to glue my finger to my toe while trying to put the fake nail on.  I tried to put the nail in place but the glue had run a little bit to the side.  This shouldn’t be a problem except that my next toe was there.  Sure enough, my toes are now glued together!   Guess I don’t have to worry about gluing my finger to my toe – I had just glued my two toes together!  Fortunately I was able to separate my toes before they became permanently glued together . 

Oh heck, let's just make it a Super Glue kind of blog.  Here's another story:

This incident brings up other thoughts.  Now, this one didn’t happen to me but to someone else.  It’s amazing the things that happen.  Upon hearing how I had glued my toes together I was told by someone else how something similar happened to them.  Not with nail glue but with Super Glue.  Super Glue is also bad stuff .  You have to be careful with it.  Seems my friend had trouble getting the cap off the Super Glue.  I understand that because I have also had trouble.  Super Glue – what did they think?  Of course the cap will be glued to the tube after the first use.  The cap was stuck and my friend was having difficulty getting it off.  She did what any normal person would do.  She put the cap in her mouth to loosen the cap.  You can guess what happened.  She got super glue on her mouth and her teeth.  Fortunately, she did not close her lips thus preventing them from being glued together.  Not sure what kind of damage was done to her teeth. 

 

And one last one:  Another Super Glue story – one just kind of leads to another don’t you know.  Super Glue cap stuck on the tube and I needed to get it off, happens all the time.  I did not use my mouth to get the cap loose.  I was finally able to get it loose without any problem that way.  However, the problem occurred when I tried to glue whatever it was.  Put the glue on the object then try to attach whatever it was (I don’t remember at this time).  I do remember the glue running down my fingers and guess what?  No I did not glue my fingers together (if so I probably would not have ended up gluing my toes together).  I did however glue my rings to my fingers.  This was not what I had intended.    

Ok -- that's just a small sampling from my hope to be published someone bathroom humor book.  Hope you enjoyed it. 

Resting

Rest:  freedom from activity or labor:   peace of mind or spirit.

The Bible speaks of rest several times.   "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28    Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!  I would fly away and be at rest.  Psalm 55:6  These are just a couple of references.       

Gary and I have been in a state of rest while searching for a church these last 6 months.  This has been a good thing.  We may not have known we needed the rest, but God did.  Have you ever noticed that when God is telling you something and you don't listen - He makes sure you listen.  Now, I am not saying we weren't listening to God.  We were slowing down and starting to curtail our responsibilities.  But obviously, God thought more was needed.  So he has given us this time of rest; and we have enjoyed it. 

One of the things I have missed about being involved in a church has been doing a Bible Study.  So I decided I didn't have to be part of a group to do a Bible Study.  I went and got a study and have started it.  Want to guess what it's about?  If you guessed rest - you would be correct.  I have not gotten to far in the study yet but am enjoying it. 

Now it  may seem kind of funny that I am doing a study on rest considering how many times I have made comments about my napping.  Napping is not the same as rest.  Napping may keep you going for a while but only real rest of the body and mind will suffice for long periods of time. 

Take time for yourself - slow down - remember:  you are not responsible for everything.  And in the case of the rest Gary and I have been getting the last few months; I know that God is just letting us rest up for the next phase he has in store for us.  This is something we both are looking forward to with great anticipation. 

Memories of My Dad

Father's Day Weekend - families get together to celebrate Dad.  Usually grilling out is involved - usually it's Dad doing the grilling.  I was just in the kitchen peeling potatoes to mash so I could make potato salad tomorrow for our Father's Day celebration.  Since it's Father's Day I was thinking of my dad.  I do this more than just on Father's Day - I think of him frequently.  My dad passed away 30 years ago next month.  He never had much a chance to know his grand kids. :(  I wanted to share a few memories of him. 

My dad worked in the timber.  Before I started school, a tree feel on him and broke his back.  They told him he would never walk again - my dad walked out of the hospital.  I learned to read the summer he spent in the hospital.  I remember sitting on his bed "reading" to him while he did his back exercises after he came home from the hospital.   I also remember him reading to us because we didn't have a TV.  This probably explains my love of reading. 

My dad couldn't work for a while after he broke his back.  That fall when I started school my dad was the one who had to get me ready for school.  That included fixing my hair.  That explains why I always wore my hair short - it was easy for dad to fix. 

I remember dad taking us on bike rides.  He went with us.  I enjoyed that. My Dad liked to 'tinker' on cars, motors etc.  I remember him bringing engines into the house to work on in the winter time because it was to cold to be outside working on them.  He would sit on the floor with parts spread around him.  I loved playing with his tools in the garage although we weren't really supposed to.  My favorites were always the carpenter pencil (it's flat and won't roll away - shouldn't all pencils be made like this?) and his folding ruler.  I was always breaking his ruler but it was so cool to unfold and fold it up.  I think Dad could fix anything.  He was also a carpenter.  He made beautiful cabinets.  He was always working on something.  One of my favorite toys as a child was a little wooden cabinet he made for me to play with.  I kept my little dishes in it and used it when I played house.

Dad liked to watch basketball on TV.  This was the only sport he really watched.  He played basketball in school.  Dad usually fell asleep on the sofa while he was watching TV.  However, you could not change the channel - he would wake up and say "I was watching that."  Gary says I do the same thing.  I know I can take good naps with the TV on.  

Dad taught me to hunt and fish.  He treated me like my brothers.  If they got a gun I did too.  Our way of fishing wasn't with poles, although we did do that some.  We would go hand-fishing.  Dad always let me go too.  We also went hunting - squirrel, rabbit, quail, deer.  I always hated it when I was sick and couldn't go hunting with Dad.  He also took me mushroom hunting in the spring.  He let me trail along with him.  My dad was tall - about 6'1".  I certainly didn't get my height from him!   While he would step over the logs I would have to jump up on them, swing my legs over and jump down on the other side.  Dad could always find mushrooms.  I could too - but I also would have flowers, rocks, etc in my sack. It never seemed to bother Dad that I picked more flowers than mushrooms. 

Dad always planted a big garden every spring.  I always helped him.  And every year, he would let my brothers and I pick out one new food to try and grow.  Something unique that we could try.  One year we planted peanuts.  He always let us plant gourds and Indian corn.  We would then sell these to the teachers at school. 

My oldest daughter Tarinda is the only one who ever had the privilege of spending the night with Grampa Power.  He was so proud when she was born.  After she got old enough to 'chatter' she and Dad would talk on the phone every week. They talked for quite a while.  I don't know that he could understand what she was saying but I always thought it was okay because Dad had trouble hearing anyway.  It worked for them.  LOL   When she was about 18 months old we were visiting in Missouri for the weekend (we lived in Iowa at that time).  Tarinda was insistent on spending the night with Grampa.(My mom had already passed away at this time).  He packed a little bag for her and took her home to spend the night.  I'm sure they both had a good time. 

So if you can't be with your Dad this Father's Day - take time to 'remember' the good times you had with him.   If possible - call him - let him know how much he means to you.  I'm glad Dad let me trail along with him and traipse through the woods.  He gave me a love of reading and a love of family.  He taught me that you always support your family no matter what, do what's right and always lend a hand to someone in need. 


The first picture is one of me, Dad, Granny Lake and Tarinda.  Dad always told people that Tarinda and I were his best girls.  The bottom picture is Dad's basketball team

 

Home Remedies - Sayings

I am just full of all kinds of general knowldege and sayings.  Some people call them Old Wives Tales.  Gary usually laughs when I bring up one of these tidbits of knowledge.  I thought I should share a few of these with you. 

I know that Spring is over (if it was ever really here or anywhere).  One of the great pleasures of Spring is mushroom hunting - in Northwest Missouri anyway.  Oh, how I love fresh morel mushrooms.  Piece of advice #1: don't even bother looking until the May Apples are up.  Yep, that's when you know to go mushroom hunting.  And if that hunt covers you in poison ivy (maybe this only happens to me) - go home and take a bleach bath.  Yes, you heard me right.  Put bleach in your bath water and soak in it.  Or put bleach on a washcloth and wash the area.  The bleach advise is #2.

Ever twist your ankle and have it swell?  Piece of advise #3:  take a brown paper bag and soak it in warm vinegar.  Place this over the swollen area to help reduce swelling.  I kow this sounds stupid but trust me - it does work.  I have used this remedy on myself. 

Love the winter and the snow?  Don't love the snow?  Want to know how much snow you are going to get? Prepare yourselves for two pieces of advise on this information.  #4 - whatever day of the month you get the first tracking snow on will indicate the number of snowfalls you will have that winter.  I typically hope our tracking snow does not come until at least the 15th of the month.  Nothing sadder than to have it on the 2nd or 3rd and know that you won't be getting much snow that winter :(  Very sad for kids and "older" kids.  Another indicator of how hard the winter will be - piece of advise #5.  Take a persimmon and open it up.  If the seed is in the shape of a spoon it means you will be shoveling a lot of snow that winter.  If it looks like a fork - not so much. 

I think everyone knows advice #6 -- wooly worms are an indicator of whether it will be a long winter or not.  If they are all black - prepare for a mild winter.  Basically the more black the less severe the weather.  Guess the lighter color is designed to blend in with the surroundings so you won't be stepping on any of those wolly worms in the snow.  

Kitchen advise?  Yep, I've got that too.  #7 --- if you have a pan that has spent to much time in the oven and gets to looking nasty; sprinkle some baking soda on it.  If the pan is real bad let it soak for a while, otherwise just scrub as usual.  It help shine those cookie sheets and bottoms of cooking pans back up.  

And that is not all baking soda can do.  Piece of advise #8 - want beans for lunch but dont' think you have time to cook them?  Put a pinch of baking soda in with your beans and they will cook faster.  Added bonus?  It will help alleviate the gas issue from eating those beans for lunch.  

Stung by a bee?  Dont worry - bring into play advise #9 and grab the box of baking soda again.  Make a paste with baking soda and water and put on the sting. 

Let's have one more from the kitchen before we stop.  #10 - kids have a habit of falling and bruising themselves.  Some kids are more accident prone than others.  If you have a child who is constantly covered in bruises and you worry about someone calling DHS.  Grab the vanilla as soon as they hit their head, arm, etc.  Dab some vanilla on the spot and it will not bruise.  I have used this one of my grandchidlren when he was very small.  It works plus he smelled yummy.  LOL 

Oh - I've just got to include this one.  #11 (and I promise I will stop here).  Have a splinter or piece of glass in your finger or foot that you just cannot dig out?  Put a piece of fatty bacon over it, wrap it up and go to bed.  Next morning the bacon will have drawn the offending object out of your skin.  I know this one works as there was many a night as a child I went to bed with bacon wrapped around my foot. Why didn't my parents insist I wear shoes? And a little research shows that you can now buy Bacon Bandages.  Unreal.   I think I will stick with a piece of bacon if needed. 

Doctors

Now before anyone gets the wrong idea from my title post:  No I am not having any doctor issues right now.  No appointments even set up.  However, I have some friends who are having health issues right now and it's made me think of my experience with doctors.

Typically I don't like to go to the doctor.  Probably wouldn't if it wasn't for prescription refills that with any luck "will get me to age 65".  The quotes are from a doctor 10 years ago.   With my family history and my blood pressure doctors tend to worry. 

It has been my experience that if you go to a doctor and tell him you are tired he gets concerned.  I don't.  My thoughts are: if you don't know what's wrong with you, you don't have to worry.  Another point: do not ever, ever, ever, ever go online and look up your symptoms.  This is the absolute worst thing you can do. 

Twice I have gone to the doctor and mentioned how excessively tired I was.  The first time my doctor gets concerned and starts an examination and every other sentence he is telling me you will be having surgery as soon as we can arrange it.  He sets up tests immediately and then sends me to another doctor in the city (I was living in Bethany then).  How I miss Dr. Hall.  He called me every day or checked on me through my husband.  Within the space of 10 days I had like 4 tests run, been referred to a specialist, saw my cardiologist, had a stress test, and had surgery.  Once I realized how concerned my doctor was I also became a little concerned.  Everything turned out fine.  I had a volley ball sized tumor which they removed and life went on.  This tumor was so impressive that they took pictures and showed around the hospital.  They even gave us a picture which Gary would love to show you if you just ask him. 

A few months ago, I again go in and tell my doctor that I am tired.  I go through my nap routine with him. Yes, I have a nap routine - I have a special nap app on my phone for this.  I tell him that it's the same way I felt when they found the tumor.  This is a different doctor - he also becomes very concerned.  He sets me up with some blood work to start with.  I do that blood work and they call and set up more blood work and a couple of ultra sounds and then another round of blood work.  Wow -- when a doctor is concerned they really get concerned.  Listen to them - but don't look up anything on the internet! And don't let your husband look anything up, either.  He will just worry.  Everything is fine with me. 

My point is - trust your doctor.  And if a doctor is concerned know that you have a reason to be. And remember - no news from a doctor is good news. 

Branson Ramblings

Gary and I just took a short vacation.  We took Remington, Lily and Chris with us and headed off to Branson.  Oh what fun we had!. 

We left after work Wednesday evening and drove to Eureka Springs.  On the way there Remington was playing with his tablet.  He has some game on there and was letting Chris play with it too.  Grampa and I are a little concerned about this game because we heard Chris say "so we have to kill all the white people here?" And Remington made a comment about "buying people".  So apparently it's a game where you buy slaves and kill white people.  Hmmmmm  Not sure about this.  This game also prompted Remington to say, "Chris you are awesome!"  Not sure what Chris did but it really impressed Remington.

Now we also decided to play the ABC sign game.  Anyone who travels knows this is played by finding the letters of the alphabet on signs you see.  Gary always wins this game.  No one likes to play with him.  Well, Remington and Chris had trouble remembering what letter they had to find next so I was constantly trying to remember what letter they were on and what letter I was on.   And in the midst of this Lily says, "what you can't find a J?  That's so easy.  I'm already through with the alphabet."  Really, Lily?  None of us heard you call out any letters.  Lily:  "That's because I did it all in my head.  I'm the winner."

Then for some reason the color of hair came up between Remington and Lily.  They described themsevles as "dirty blond".  Lily informed Remington that he was not dirty blond as her hair was lighter and his was darker.  His response was "so, it just means my hair is dirtier than yours".  Love that reasoning. 

So when we got to Branson we spent an hour or so at the Fish Hatchery feeding the fish and walking along the river.  The kids really enjoyed that.  We then had lunch then Rode the Ducks.  Wouldn't you know it - our Duck broke down.  Well, actually it was the PA system that broke.  Coast Guard won't let boats on the water without a PA system so we had to wait for a replacement duck.  The song "I want to move it, move it, move it" was playing.  Remington was singing along then said "but we're not moving it".  We only had to wait about 10 minutes before getting our replacement then back to our tour.  The kids all got a chance to 'drive' the duck on the water.  Then they received a temporary licence.  This was a big deal for all of them. 

That evening we went to see The Presley's show.  The kids thought this was absolutely hilarious!   They went down to get autographs during intermission and even got their picture taken with Little Cecil and Herkimer.  That was a treat for them. 

Next day we spent at Silver Dollar City.  We have season passes so was able to do an early admission.  Everyone was looking forward to riding the new Outlaw Run - although Remington admitted to being a little bit scared.  I told him that was OK - he didn't have to ride if he didn't want to.  Wouldn't you know it - when we got up there the first ride of the day for it and it broke down.  No riding Outlaw Run for us as later when they got it fixed the line was to long.  This makes two times Gary and I have gone to Silver Dollar City this year and neither time did we get to ride Outlaw Run as it broke down.  I'm thinking this is God's way of saying "stay away".  We did take them on their first ever roller coaster ride.  They absolutely loved it!!  Chris however, bless his heart, got sick.  I totally understand that as rides usually make me sick.  On the Tea Cup Ride they got the tea cup going a little to fast and almost did Grandma in.  We finally went back to the hotel to relax in the pool for a while.  Remington and I were able to beat Grampa and Lily in a game of chicken.  Go us!!!  Then out for pizza.  Glad it was a pizza buffet (although they kept running out of pizza on the buffet).  I'm not real sure who ate more - Chris or Lily. 

Next morning we headed home with a stop in Springfield at Bass Pro and also the Military Museum there.  The kids really enjoyed that.  All in all it was a really fun trip.  Although I think Grampa and I liked yesterday the best when we just stayed home all day and did absolutely nothing! 

Crashing Forward

If you are a regular reader of my blog - or even just a hit and miss reader - you have probably realized that Gary and I have been without a church home since last December.  This has been an unusual time for us.

We have taught Sunday School for probably 16 years.  Wow!  It's hard to  believe that we spent that amount of time with kids. This included Sunday School, Wednesday evenings, events, and more recently time with Youth.  We enjoyed every minute of it but was really starting to feel that perhaps it was time for us to move on.  About the time we were feeling that working with children was no longer our calling was the same time that we felt God telling us it was time to find another church.  I don't want to go into great detail as to why we left our former church home/family.  We still have ties with many friends there.  Let's just say that we knew the time had come to move on, we just did not know where God would send us. 

So, we have been spending our Sunday and Wednesday evenings with Redemption Church and our Sunday mornings visiting other churches.  Redemption is the new church plant our former pastor is starting.  Gary has felt strongly called to be a part of this church plant from the very beginning.  I, however, have been more hesitant.  Not that I don't believe in what Redemption is, I just have hesitation.  That's kind of typical of me in most things.  I tend to be reluctatnt to embrace fully without a lot of introspection.

We have recently done a study on The Barbarian Way (if you haven't read it yet, read my post from 05/15/13 on this subject).  Tonight we finished up this study.  As we were discussing tonight we were asked to think of one or two things that really stuck out with us from this study.  Mine was this:  Do whatever God is calling you to do the moment it becomes clear to you.

Also, in this study we discussed how every group of animals has a designation or name (school of fish, pride of lions, etc.).  The most unusual one was a crash of rhinos.  Rhinos just rush forward with all they have although they do not have the ability to see more than 30 feet in front of them.  They don't let that stop them.  We discussed how could we become a 'crash' church?

To simplify this:  as Barbarians we at Redemption want to present a united front while we crush forward with God's calling.  We want to be a church where broken, hungry people can come and feel welcomed without being judged.  We want to know that even if we make mistakes we will be forgiven. 

I think I can safely say that Gary and I both feel that Redemption is the church for us as we move forward.  We will continue to visit other churches on Sunday mornings until such time that we can meet together as a church on our own.  We look forward to what God has in store for us in our new direction. 

Grandma's Rules

Remington and Lily spent the night with us last night.  We had lots of fun playing in the pool, playing 5 Second Rule (if you do not have this game - go buy it right now!), Farkle, tickle attack.  Well, I think you get the idea.  We had fun.

When they spend the night they like to sleep in the living room.  We have two matching sofas.  They each get their own sofa.   We take the back pillows off and they are allowed to watch TV for an hour before it gets turned off.  I sit on one sofa with Lily for half the time and then I sit with Remington for the other half.   If they stay on Friday night we watch Wipe Out.  On Saturday night we usually watch something that is recorded.  Well, last night after their TV time I gave them hugs and kisses good night and started to leave the room when Remington says, "Did you tell Lily the rule?'

A few weeks ago when they spent the night Remington told me he got up at 4:00.  I jokingly said 'Oh, really?  How do you know this?"  His response was that he looked at the clock on the microwave and it said 4:00 so he turned TV on.  Now Remington stays over more often than Lily.  I had to tell him that the rule was you could not get up and watch TV until at least 6:00.  If you got up before then you had to go back to bed.  So I told Lily that she was not allowed to get up until 6:00 (not really an issue for her but Remington wanted to be sure she knew the rule).  Remington said "well, if you wake up a little bit before it's OK to get up but the earliest you can get up would be 5:55 but not before." 

Well, this is not the only rule that Grandma has.  Number one rule is a kitchen rule:  No hands in your pants in the kitchen!   This came about a few years ago when the twins were like 4 or 5 and used to walk around with their hands in their pants all the time.  I don't know if they did that because they didn't have pockets in their pants or what but they did.  Then they would want to help in the kitchen.   Thus the rule was enforced:  No hands in your pants in the kitchen!

Another rule I have is regarding the swimming pool.  Now Remington and Lily usually get along very well together - especially considering how close together in age they are.  But like all kids they will have little disagreements.  This probably occurs in the pool more frequently than any other time.  After spending all afternoon yesterday in the pool I made the following rule:  if you get in trouble in the pool you have to set out for 5 minutes.  Get in trouble a second time you set out for 10 minutes.  get in trouble a 3rd time and you are out for the rest of the day. 

But probably the rule I use most often with Remington and Lily is:  Don't act like crack kids!.  They have a habit of being kinda crazy.  I know most kids do.  However, there are times that the craziness can get out of hand.  So, I have to tell them as we pull up to K-Mart or tonight at church when they have been being crazy in the car:  OK - time to stop the nonsense.  I don't want any crack kids at church with me!  We also decided that since Chris was with us tonight, that he needed the same rule.  But since he is an adult, not a kid, the rule was changed. Chris can't be a crackhead!

So if you are ever around them - ask them what Grandma's rules are.  See if they tell you No crack kids allowed.