Numbers

19     41     42     48     90


Looks like a set of random numbers doesn't it? 

Well, they each represent something to me.


19 .....

    That's how old I was when I received the phone call telling me my mom had passed away. 


41......

     That's the number of years my children have been without a grandma.


42.......

     That's the number of years my mom has been gone.


48......

     That's how old my mom was when she died.


90......

    That's how old my mom would have been today if she had lived. 


Random numbers - yes - but each one represents something. 

These do not include:

      the number of hugs not able to be given
      the number of phone calls not able to be made
      the number of family birthdays not able to be attended
      the number of family dinners not able to be attended
      the number of I Love You's not able to be said
      the number of laughs not shared
      the number  of tears shed
      the number of school plays and programs not attended
      the number of graduations missed
      the number of grandchildren, great and great great grandchildren not held in her arms 
      the number of whispered confidences of those grandchildren
      the number of books not read


The list could go on and on.  Every year on her birthday I remember her - I remember what she is missing and I remember what I have missed by not having her here.  I also remember what my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren have missed by not having her here. 

I remember her at other times throughout the year. Christmas - which she loved and probably why my brothers and I all love Christmas.  Memorial Day - when I take flowers to her and Dad's grave site. March 5th - the day she died.  March 8th - the day we buried her.

These are just a few of the times I remember her and think of some of those random numbers.