Unexpected Memories

I stepped off the elevator at work the other day and it hit me. 

The smell of cherry pipe tobacco.

This is a very distinctive smell and one I hadn't smelled for over 30 years. 

My dad was a pipe smoker and he liked cherry pipe tobacco.  So there it was - a memory of my dad from nowhere.  Unexpected.  But it lead to another unexpected memory of my brother who passed away just a few weeks ago.

My dad had several pipes and always had pipe tobacco around.  Always.    Sometimes it was a small pouch but he also had a humidor that he kept pipe tobacco in.  One year for Christmas one of us kids got him some cherry pipe tobacco for that humidor. 

Fast forward to July after that Christmas.  We kids were home while Mom and Dad were at work.  Wayne convinced me that we needed to try chewing tobacco. 

Don't you know that there was still some of that cherry pipe tobacco in Dad's humidor?  And of course Wayne thought that was what we should try chewing. 

OH MY WORD!!!  That stuff was so nasty!!!  It was the one and only time I ever tried chewing tobacco. Wayne of course chewed his longer than I did but neither of us really chewed it for very long.

Those unexpected memories come from nowhere sometimes.

They can hurt.

But at the same time - it brings a smile and gratitude that I have those memories. 

Curve Ball

Sometime life throws you a curve ball - out of the blue.

One of those curve balls came my way last night in the form of a phone call.

Not a phone call that anyone wants to receive.

A phone call I knew I would receive and had been expecting for some time but still not ready for it.

I knew when I looked at the screen of my phone it couldn't be good.  It was worse than I thought.

No, my brother wasn't in the hospital - he was gone.

That curve ball hit me right in the gut!

I just wanted to go off in a corner by myself.  But I had calls I would have to make myself.

A part of myself is gone. 

It will take getting used to. The pain will always be a part of me. It will lessen in time but will always be there.

My other brothers and I will continue but it won't quite be the same.  No more calls saying 'Wayne, said I had to call you.'.  Well, I'm not sure why he told you that but I'm glad you called, what's up?

We will reminisce about things.  We will share our good times. We will share laughter.  We will share hugs.

The next few days will be hard -- a 15 hour drive - service to attend.  Condolences to accept but we will get through it. I have great support with my husband and my girls. 

The calls about my parents were hard when I was 19 and 24.  It's not any easier when you're 62.