Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Stuck Together

I decided to share a few excerpts from a book I am working on.  This is what I call a 'bathroom humor' book.  You know, the kind that has little short stories you can read while you are in the bathroom.  Put on the back of the stool and read another story or two next time you are in there.  I won't reveal the name of the book but will share a couple of my stories just for your enjoyment.

It's summertime and that means that if you are a woman you like to have your toenails painted.  Well, here's a little story related to that:  Wanted to get my toenails ready for summer and sandals. What better way to have my feet looking their best than to put fake toenails on.  They would look really good and what a pick-me-up.  I got everything out I would need; the fake nail kit (which included toenails in 20 assorted sizes), polish remover (to take off the old polish from when my granddaughter painted my toenails) and my Ped Egg (to smooth all the rough spots off my feet).  All set up in the living room and ready for a pedicure.  I ran the Ped Egg over both my feet trying to smooth them out.  I then removed the old polish (or at least most of it).  Then the task of picking out which nails would best fit my toes (which are rather short and stubby).  Nails all picked out ready to proceed.  Now to put nails on your toes you need nail glue – this is where it gets tricky.  You have to put the glue on your toenail then put the fake nail on your toe.  Sounds simple – key word is “sounds”.  I put the glue on the first toenail – starting with the biggest toe.  Got the fake nail that was to go on there and that was when the trouble started.  I didn’t want to glue my finger to my toe while trying to put the fake nail on.  I tried to put the nail in place but the glue had run a little bit to the side.  This shouldn’t be a problem except that my next toe was there.  Sure enough, my toes are now glued together!   Guess I don’t have to worry about gluing my finger to my toe – I had just glued my two toes together!  Fortunately I was able to separate my toes before they became permanently glued together . 

Oh heck, let's just make it a Super Glue kind of blog.  Here's another story:

This incident brings up other thoughts.  Now, this one didn’t happen to me but to someone else.  It’s amazing the things that happen.  Upon hearing how I had glued my toes together I was told by someone else how something similar happened to them.  Not with nail glue but with Super Glue.  Super Glue is also bad stuff .  You have to be careful with it.  Seems my friend had trouble getting the cap off the Super Glue.  I understand that because I have also had trouble.  Super Glue – what did they think?  Of course the cap will be glued to the tube after the first use.  The cap was stuck and my friend was having difficulty getting it off.  She did what any normal person would do.  She put the cap in her mouth to loosen the cap.  You can guess what happened.  She got super glue on her mouth and her teeth.  Fortunately, she did not close her lips thus preventing them from being glued together.  Not sure what kind of damage was done to her teeth. 
 
And one last one:  Another Super Glue story – one just kind of leads to another don’t you know.  Super Glue cap stuck on the tube and I needed to get it off, happens all the time.  I did not use my mouth to get the cap loose.  I was finally able to get it loose without any problem that way.  However, the problem occurred when I tried to glue whatever it was.  Put the glue on the object then try to attach whatever it was (I don’t remember at this time).  I do remember the glue running down my fingers and guess what?  No I did not glue my fingers together (if so I probably would not have ended up gluing my toes together).  I did however glue my rings to my fingers.  This was not what I had intended.    

Ok -- that's just a small sampling from my hope to be published someone bathroom humor book.  Hope you enjoyed it. 

No comments:

Post a Comment